Coming Out of the Broom Closet- How to Break the News
Most of us spend the first ‘part’ of our witchcraft as a private practitioner. You may not even be at this point physically practicing at all… you’re just getting your bearings, investigating, and deciding if magick and this path are right for you.
For Some people at that first leg of the journey, they turn away.
“Nope, I don’t resonate with this…”
And that's A OK!
But if you’re here reading this, I can reasonably suspect that’s not you.
So what do we do when we have decided that witchcraft and magick are for us? What do we do when we want to ‘come out of the broom closet’, dedicate ourselves to our Truths and begin living as witches out in our “real world”?
For just about anybody who doesn't come from an ultra supportive place… this can be absolutely daunting. I have heard horror stories of people being thrown out of their homes, or being ostracised by their families and communities.
There are so many unknowns that many choose to stay hidden for a very very long time, in lieu of having to answer any of the questions.
And that’s A OK too.
It’s ALWAYS ok to protect yourself.
But for some of us… this truth is SO STRONG and SO PREVALENT in our lives that we feel compelled to face the questions, to face the unknown, and to bring a new face to our lives.
So what can you expect?
Well, if you’re living with any type of “religious” person, you can expect them to verdantly disagree with you. Most religions have some statements about how there is No other God, No Gods before Me, I am the only God… and such.
As a majority polytheist community, as a whole, pagans usually don’t believe that, but we try to still largely be good to people who do.
What you need to know here is that for any of these questions, NEITHER SIDE KNOWS THE REAL TRUTH.
Okay?
You can believe what you believe, just as they can believe what they believe…and nobody has to be ‘wrong”.
Do you want a REAL TRUTH?
There is no book or document or statue or monument in this world that can irrefutably prove that any belief system is the ultimate and Only Truth. (If there were, it wouldn’t be such a chronic question/argument, would it?)
The frame of mind to keep these questions/interrogations in, is “We can both be right, and we don’t have to agree to both be able to believe as we do.” It doesn’t matter WHAT they believe, and it doesn’t matter to them WHAT you believe. They want to be right, you know you both can be right and not agree… so let a lot of what happens just...pass.
Breaking the News
So to begin, Just HOW Can you tell someone you’re a witch?
It usually begins something like this
“Mom/Dad/Guardian/Roommate/Partner… I wanted to tell you something because I want to be open and honest with not only you, but myself. I have been interested for some time in witchcraft/neopaganism and I am at a place in my path where I want to be open with the people around me about that.”
This statement is carefully crafted, and while you don’t have to say that exactly, let’s take a look at the pieces so you can incorporate them in your own words. Before you begin, I want you to recognize that this first statement is the only completely open and receptive time you’ll have with this person for the rest of the conversation. It doesn’t matter what they believe, they’re going to have questions and be asking them off of whatever image they have of a ‘witch’ in their mind.
This can be a very difficult conversation for some people...It’s important that you start off on the ‘right foot’.
Looking at the statement, We 1st address the person “Mom/Dad etc” (that shows respect and acknowledgement). Then we give a positive intention for how you see the conversation going “I want to be open and honest” . Then you ‘hand them the news’.
The primary reaction of most people is one of confusion. That leads either into anger/disapproval or wonderment/questioning. Most people in this situation can kind of guess how their conversation partner is going to react ahead of time. So prepare accordingly.
Now, with further consideration, let’s talk about how to Navigate some particular questions and statements that seem to pop up often during these conversations.
Question and Answer Considerations
For most religious people, especially if they’ve been living with you for some time, the question is:
“So you don’t believe in (whatever god they believe in)?”
A: “No, I don’t.” While you may by relationship feel like you’re required to give more of an answer… I want you to know that You have 0 expectation to follow up by explaining what your beliefs are, and “No.” is a full sentence. As a matter of fact, I would consider avoiding further explanation unless you are directly asked (which we will cover below).
If they are particularly religious, you’ll likely find yourself answering this question next:
“You know you’re going to hell, right?”
A: “No, I don’t.”
You have 0 expectation to acknowledge the existence of Hell if you don’t believe in it. Nobody is going to try to explain hell to you, they expect you to already understand. Using a short and direct statement here is a good way to answer the question without leaving loops for argument on the topic.
They usually follow with:
“Well I do. The (holy book) says that witches and diviners are ____________.”
A: “Okay.”
They can cite whatever of the “holy threats” they care to,
If You don’t believe in it, it’s all fairytales.
Look at this person as if they were a child. See their words for what they are… if you don’t believe in their book, recognize that you’re making them question their faith.
To some of these people, they are so layered into their faith that they cannot fathom someone not believing what they do. To them, everything is proof and confirmation of their beliefs… (google “confirmation bias” if you want more info)
People who are wholly and undyingly stuck to their religion mostly do not appreciate being made to question, which is why they are so devout in trying to make the people around them agree with them. Your mere existence as a witch causes them cognitive dissonance and they are seeking cognitive ease.
They can say it’s about keeping you out of hell, or getting you into heaven… but Listen to Me When I Tell You It’s Not.
It’s not.
It’s not about saving your eternal soul, It’s about them and what they think their righteous duty is...how THEY can be a “Good _______” for the heaven tally… so Let it be about them. You don’t have to respond with anymore than an acknowledgement that you heard the words coming from their mouth. They think they’re doing good, and they’re honestly misguided. Treat them accordingly.
“Witches aren’t even real. If you’re a real witch, do a trick.”
`Aah, the good old back-of-the-bus bully question… Answers?
If you’re looking for an informative one that is very likely to shut them up, try:
A: “Witches are very real and they exist across the globe. Look into the advocacy and extensive education of Selena Fox… or find a copy of the Military Chaplains handbook, which is a government produced document that recognizes Wicca as a religion. As a matter of fact, In 1986, the 4th circuit court recognized Wicca as a protected religion. If they’re not real, why are they recognized by government?”
OR ignore and redirect.
A:” I think that you have witches and magicians confused, as magicians perform tricks. I do not.”
This is almost always inevitably followed by:
“So What DO You do then?”
A: Completely up to you. You can take this as an opportunity to express yourself if you feel confident, but at no time are you REQUIRED to share.
If you do want to share, it might be helpful to have some resources at the ready, should they be genuinely interested and open to new information. The wikipedia articles are a great and easy start, but consider connecting them with groups as well, because they can then SEE how many people identify, and some of the common things that REAL PEOPLE are doing.
The answer to this can be something along the lines of
A: “I practice a faith based path that focuses on compassion, non violence and a reverence for nature. I can show you some stuff if you’re interested, there are a lot of people who practice a lot of ways in paganism. Everyone is unique.”
If you don’t want to answer but want to end the question, you might say something like
A: “I practice a faith based path that focuses on compassion and non violence.”
For many, this will answer most of their other questions, or at least make them seem too ‘dumb’ to ask. For some, this won’t be enough, they’ll miss the cue and they will persist.
“Yeah, but WHAT DO YOU DO?”
A: “I’d be happy to show you some resources where you can learn about paganism, but my personal practices are my own.”
So even after all of this answering… What about the people who refuse to listen to you or believe that you know what you're doing? Many fervently religious people will say:
“You’re just confused, and this is a phase.”
A: “It’s okay if you believe that, I don’t and we don’t have to agree.”
By now, most have lost steam in questioning… and it’s usually follow up… but if the person is particularly intent on ‘disproving’ you, trying to change you, or being blatantly judgemental, they may ask some of the following which are directly intended to be inflammatory.
These questions are typically designed to try to p*ss you off.
Don’t.
Don’t fall for it.
Don’t let them ‘raise your feathers’.
“So do you like...kill animals and bathe in blood and stuff?”
A:”No.”
“So do you ride a broom?”
A:”No.”
“Can you kill people with your mind?”
A:”Yes, it’s my super power but I can only use it when people ask me a bunch of questions they don’t really care about the answers to.”
Remember, In ALL cases, you don’t HAVE to answer anything. You also don’t have to be subject to patronizing questions from a person who is intent on you being wrong.
If someone asks you a question you don’t know the answer to or is intentionally irritating, you can ignore it, redirect it, say “I’m not sure yet” or give them a one word answer.
If you are brazen enough, you can call out their questions for what they are. “I feel like I came to you to be open and honest and now you’re asking me questions like this because you’re trying to make fun of me, dismiss me, or be disrespectful to my thoughts and feelings.”
If this isn’t really your style, start hitting them with the one word conversation. “Yes/No/Idk”
Repeatedly giving people one word answers tends to stop them more quickly than going on and on trying to explain yourself.
By using one word answers, you’re sending off the social cue of ‘curtness’ and expressing your wish to end the questioning. When you ‘explain’ things to argumentative people, they’re listening for ways to refute you, or to try to attack/throw you off balance. Don’t give them ammunition.
It’s often best to just stick with what you know, and not try too hard to appease them.
Remember, you don’t need them to LIKE what you’re doing… you need them to ACCEPT it.
In some situations, that happens pretty easily. In others, it doesn’t.
If your person is STILL asking questions, you’re likely to hit the ‘wind down’ phase now, which is usually a series of statements on their part with things like “Well, I know you’re just confused, you don’t mean it, I’m going to pray for your soul.”
And to that, you just say “Okay. Thank you.”
Safety Considerations:
If you don’t think you’re going to get a welcoming reception but you’re certain you’re going to come out, do the things you need to prep BEFORE you have the conversation. Whether that is securing another safe place to stay, packing a ‘bug out’ bag or telling a friend before you do it… prepare so that you’re not left ‘out in the cold’ so to speak because someone who has control over your living space can’t handle the news.
Those possibilities aside, many many parents and roommates ARE accommodating, and surprisingly so. As we continue through these generations, more and more people are becoming enlightened to the fact that pagans aren’t all animalistic blood worshippers. The internet has gifted us with the ability to demonstrate our presence, and our persistent commitment to non-violence. Our numbers are growing, we’re seeing more and more metaphysicians, witches, stars and diviners appear… the Witches are rising again.
No matter what happens during that conversation, no matter how hard it is… I want you to know that in our circle, paganism, you have Home. You are ALWAYS welcome as pagan/witch so long as you commit yourself to a path of compassion and non-violence. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re considering having the ‘broom closet talk’... Most of us have already been through it…find your tribe, ask a question...we WANT to HELP!!!
Blessings,
Sywyrd Moon